Positive Parenting Solutions Initial Results
By Kerry on January 27, 2019
Quote of the Week
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” ~ Gecko & Fly
WHAT IS POSITIVE PARENTING
Zero to Three, identifies Positive Parenting as, taking an approach that is sensitive to children’s individual needs and addressing the typical challenges that arise in early childhood with empathy and respect. They say positive parenting is all about making child-rearing choices that reflect your beliefs and values as a parent, your child’s age and stage of development, and his or her temperament.
This all sounds great in theory, if you even understand what this means. How are first time parents supposed to know what “typical challenges” even are? In practice this feels impossible.
I watched a video from The Today Show about a women who calls herself “A Yeller”. And she defends it. She says she has to yell at her children all day to get anything done. She has to repeat herself and at each repetition her voice gets louder. While watching the video I saw myself in this women from the messy hair, to the messy desk, to the behavior she was describing. And it dawned on me, I’m tired of yelling. And more importantly I’m tired of being yelled at. Monkey see, monkey do. I yell at my children and they fire it back.
Know, that my children are awesome. I feel very lucky. They are thoughtful, polite, and kind. When we are out with friends or they are at daycare they are complimented on their calm and thoughtful demeanor. When my dad came to see us and he just couldn’t believe how articulate and polite they were for three year olds. So I was clearly getting through to them and our values and beliefs were being reflected but the energy to get there has been exacerbating and awful. My colleague put it so beautifully. She said it feels so counterintuitive to yell at these beautiful children who you love more than anything in the world. I couldn’t agree more.
Minutes after watching this yelling video, I was served a Facebook Ad from Positive Parenting Solutions. The ad basically read, “Tired of Yelling?” and followed up with the Founder, Amy, offering a free one hour webinar. I signed up. I had nothing to lose and I was in a place to hear another way.
What Amy offered was 37+ tools to get your kids to listen without yelling, nagging, or losing control. YES! Losing control. I hate that feeling. Amy was promising a way out. I way to get my children to listen without power struggles.
Alright Amy. I’m in.
CONS OF POSITIVE PARENT SOLUTIONS
I will say overall - there’s less yelling, nagging, and pleading. Let me be clear - there is less. I’m not saying this as an absolute solution.
Just today, the only tool I had that worked was walking away - to which point my daughter followed me down the hall in full tantrum. I dressed my son, then turned to my daughter and said in my “calm voice”, “When you pick out your clothes, then I will help you get dressed.”
I used the tools in the end to get to the end result, but I tried three others before that to no avail. So sometimes, there’s trial and error which can at feel more exhausting then just pinning the girl down, “Convos with My Two Year Old Style”. Anything to move through to the end result as quickly as possible no matter how bad the power struggle.
Because there are so many tools, sometimes you don’t know which one to use. Or a tool that worked yesterday is NOT working today. Somedays you feel like you’re making ZERO progress with these solutions or your being really calm with your children, but because you’ve been building up the frustration on the inside your husband asks a question and you lose it on him because there’s just no where else for the frustration to go.
This isn’t a perfect solution and I imagine with more time, practice, and a WHOLE WORLD of patience it’ll continue to help me feel calmer. The road to getting there just isn’t always a smooth one. And that’s okay! There’s a teaching moment in here and I imagine I’ll stumble upon it by the end of the last module.
FIND YOUR HAPPY MEDIUM
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure it’s made an impact with my kids. I feel like they’re better listeners. I ask my son to go to the bathroom and he goes. I also found they are doing more for themselves. My son loves to help “fold” and put clothes away and my daughter loves to help with dinner. I think they both always loved doing these things, I’m just letting them help more.
It’s really about me and how I’ve changed. I’m not yelling. I’m calm. I’ve altered my environment (thanks Marie Kondo!) so I say, “no” less and allow my children be more self sufficient. I set clear boundaries and stick to them (mostly). Their tantrums affect me less so it seems they’re not happening as often.
Regardless of how these tools are helping my children, at the end of the day they’re helping me. We’ll see how it pans out in the long run. I’ll be doing a followup post when I complete the whole course with the tools I find most valuable and if I continue to see change in myself and my kids.
Note, I have no affiliation with Positive Parenting. I purchased the course on my own accord.